Today I had a bad experience. Whatever the reverse of serendipity is, this experience was that. It was out of the blue on a perfectly normal day. I got my daughter to school late and suffered some sharp words from the teacher. Ouch!
So maybe it's not that big a deal--it's not like I shot someone or lost a leg--but these tiny little criticisms can cause an otherwise sunny day to spiral into something dark and stormy. We've all suffered them--eye rolls, scoffing disguised as coughs (or not disguised at all), and sometimes out-and-out verbal assaults. What do you do when you’re the object of someone else's disdain?
Though I understood the logic behind the teacher's words—okay, yeah, I need to get my kid to school on time (even if it is preschool)—that doesn't mean it didn't hurt. Self-defeating thoughts ran through my head. I'm the worst mother ever…I'm so irresponsible…I let my daughter get away with too much…Everyone else knows what they're doing; I'm the only clueless one. I even came close to crying (I'll admit I'm pretty thin-skinned).
But then, I remembered the advice I told myself years and years ago that I’ve turned to repeatedly in my life. Now I'm going to share that advice with you:
This too shall pass.
That's right. Those negative feelings will pass. The bad times won't last forever. Things will get better. I know it doesn't feel that way when you're in the pit of despair, when you feel like the world is against you, but remember that it's exactly that--a feeling. And feelings are transient; they don't last forever.
I know I’ve had rotten experiences throughout the years—I was bullied in school, I had a terrible fight with my best friend from college that ended our relationship, my crushes were never reciprocated—but all that passed. It’s in the past. I got over it.
____________________________________ Oftentimes even if we know things intellectually, we don't acknowledge them emotionally.
And here's my second piece of advice: don't let other people determine how you feel about yourself.
Let's face it--people can be downright mean. Sometimes the world looks like a truly ugly place, and other people can reflect that ugliness in their actions and their words. What you have to remember is that if other people are throwing bad karma your way, it's their problem, not yours.
Now, this seems pretty self-apparent. Duh, you already know that you're not responsible for other people's behavior. But the thing is that oftentimes even if we know things intellectually, we don't acknowledge them emotionally. What I mean by this is that even if you know someone is lashing out at you just because he or she had a bad day, it doesn't mean that it's not hurtful.
You have to remind yourself as often as you need to that if a person's attitude is broken, it's not your fault and it's not your problem. That can be a hard idea to accept. Sometimes we might feel like if we did things a little differently, maybe the other person would be nicer to us. Maybe if we were just more patient or kinder or if we were more careful about what we did, the other person would be nicer to us. But that's not the case. The truth is that people with ugly attitudes are going to spew their hate no matter what you do. It's not because of anything you've done. It's just because they're unhappy. And that's not your fault.
I remember this girl I worked with the summer after my senior year of high school. She had the personality of a Tasmanian Devil and the sting of a bullet ant. If you said, "Good morning!" her response would be "Grumble grumble," *eye roll*. Actually, I don't remember any conversations with this girl. I just remember how horrible she was. For instance, months after we'd worked together, I saw her at the college library on the pay phone (yeah, OLD school), and so I yelped a greeting at her in surprise. Rather than acknowledging me with a smile or a little wave, she just held up one finger as if to say I-will-deign-to-speak-to-you-after-I-finish-this-very-important-phone-call-in-spite-of-the-fact-I'm-not-talking-and-there-doesn't-appear-to-be-anyone-on-the-other-end-of-the-phone. So after a few seconds standing there like an idiot, I just walked off. She just wasn't worth the effort.
And that's the hard truth: some people just aren't worth the effort.
So I'll leave you with this advice when negative karmic rays come your way--remember that this too shall pass and don't let other people decide how you see yourself. And good luck out there--it's a tough world.
For another perspective--
Here's a good article from Psychology Today about dealing with negative people.
How do you deal with negative people? Leave a comment below.
Word and Book Lover.